We approach the holiday season with a variety of feelings and concerns. These times are significant on many levels. They serve as markers for our personal history and by default become subject to comparisons. The perfect holiday becomes the goal and the nemesis for a family. The actual days themselves are not as difficult as the weeks preceding them. Anticipation, desire, and apprehension are challenging experiences. If we lose sight of that, the holidays can become a time of irritability, resentment, and despair.
Families rarely come into treatment for the holidays. Whatever the issues it seems that in most cases the holidays are “making them worse”. The biggest challenge for a family is a recent death and the experience of the holidays for the first time without someone they love. This challenge can serve as a template for all of us to make these days free from expectation and allow them to be precious moments of compassion and grace.
Approach this time with an open heart and an open mind. Be with the ones you love or gather with others in celebration of the spirit of the holidays. Anticipation can be managed with a focus on the present moment. Desire is a path to walk rather than a goal to achieve. Allow each day between now and the beginning of the new year to stand on it's own merits. Allow the pain and sadness to “have a place at the table" because they are just as important as happiness and joy. Family becomes the holding place for all experience in the spirit of loving kindness and compassion.
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