Money,Money,Money

One of the tougher issues in a family is finances. It doesn't really matter if it's too much, not enough, or just right. Money is an emotionally loaded commodity. Families in therapy will often have presenting problems related to differences in ways finances should be managed. Anxiety tends to find a home in this area. Money can be more about will we have enough than anything else. We deal with this in a variety of ways. The desire to spend and the desire to save are two sides of the same coin.

While we all need something to live on, our needs can easily take over and become the manager of our life.  Getting things and not wanting to lose anything is a great source of suffering when we lose sight of what we have. Conversations about money easily escalate into verbal and even physical abusive fights. What is it about this subject that can trigger such deep levels of anger and resentment?  We get so caught up in the belief that we are what we have and to be without is an assault on our sense of competency and worthiness. To lose everything is to suffer great humiliation. To have everything is a grand and common fantasy. If we can embrace the idea that to be rich is to need the least not have the most we can start to look at finances as just a necessary tool for us to make our way in the world.

Conversations about money are productive when a family can brainstorm and problem solve the concerns. Focus on the short term and long term goals for the family. Decisions can be made with a shared understanding of what everyone wants without getting in the way of what the family needs.

Cabin Fever

Those of us on the east coast have begun the routine of winter weather closing schools and keeping us indoors for extended periods of time. This will push the limits of any family, healthy or otherwise. While the go to strategy is "finding something to do", I want to address a more fundamental aspect of these experiences.

Restlessness and boredom are subtle expressions of being unfulfilled. An underlying factor of this is the fear of inadequacy. Fear of inadequacy is something we all contend with in our lives. The restlessness of being indoors is often expressed in a way that suggests not doing what you think you should be doing. We get caught up in the other place we want to be and forget to attend to why we are unhappy with where we are now. That is where the fear sits, very quietly but very present in our unconscious mind. Our aversion to it makes a lot of sense and is the knee jerk reaction we all have when faced with it. 

Being inside can be a time to sit quietly . Gentle and slow breathing gives the entire body a break from the tasks and worries of the day. This frees up our conscious mind to be more curious about those fears that dwell in the unconscious. Wondering about these things strengthens our identity as a seeker of truth and understanding. Our identification with these fears will weaken and will eventually be understood as self imposed. The space we gain is the breath we take as we sit and explore our cabin fever.