The ultimate goal for the developing self is a strong sense of individuality coupled with a strong affiliation with family. So much of this is contingent on factors outside of our control. The interaction of our neurological strengths and weaknesses with the unpredictable environment accounts for a great deal of self identity. The family is the main stage for these factors to play out. Severe dysfunction in a family, like addictions, domestic violence, or sexual abuse compromises the member's sense of individuality. Everyone has a role to play for the family to keep intact. The need to compensate for severe dysfunction comes with a price for each family member.
Therapy addresses this issue by helping the family to acknowledge the issues in a non judge mental setting. The idea that we are who we are and the fact that the family is sitting in my office wanting to get better is a very powerful combination. The unconditional love a family must have to pile in the car and drive out to see me, usually in the evening after school and work, is brought out in conversations about how each member feels about themselves and each other. Anger gives way to fear and shame. We hold these feelings with the respect they deserve and use them to connect with compassion and loving kindness. When there is a sense of being loved by the others there is greater awareness of the love we have to give to others.
When the experience with the mirror is one of reassurance we can step away from our family and keep them in our hearts as we pursue our dreams.
No comments:
Post a Comment