Sunday, March 30, 2014

Becoming a buddha is easy
But ending illusions is hard
So many frosted moonlit nights
I've sat and felt the cold before dawn. 
 - Shih-wu (1272-1352). Courtesy of dailyzen.org 

It is very easy to become a fair weather Buddha. As long as everything is going well I will practice loving-kindness and not-knowing. I failed to give myself enough room to pull into a parking spot and scraped the bumper of the car next to me. I was only there to drop a package off and my mind immediately went to being able to get out of there before anyone notices. No loving-kindness at that moment. I dropped off my package and returned to my car, scanning the parking lot for any witnesses. The damage was only cosmetic but it was very noticeable on the other persons car. That was when the question emerged"What is the right thing to do?”
So I left my phone number and insurance info on a piece of paper under his windshield wiper and drove on to work. Once there I called the whole thing into my insurance company and they gave me info to pass on to the other driver to get his car fixed. He called that evening and spent the first part of our conversation telling me how much he appreciated the note on the car. All I said was “It was the right thing to do because it's the right thing to do.”
After all the years of meditation and study I was very disappointed in myself for my initial adolescent response to what I did and how I could get away with it.  Perhaps that was my cold before the dawn. When I confront my behavior directly the teachings of the eight fold path are right there as a guide to the steps I need to take. I suppose we all hope that we will eventually be free of having to confront our own behavior, that with enough practice we will be so enlightened that we will always do the right thing at the right time. Perhaps that is the real cold before the dawn, the illusion of being perfect is a subtle and insidious blockage to being fully present in the moment. I will continue to stumble through my life, confident in my incompetence and open to the ever present need to practice and cultivate loving-kindness.

Monday, March 24, 2014



When you are deluded and full of doubt,
Even a thousand books of scripture are still not enough. 
When you have realized understanding, 
Even one word is already too much. 
Zen is communicated personally, 
Through mental recognition. 
It is not handed on directly by written words.
                                                             - Fenyang ( courtesy of Daily Zen)
Finding the answers in a book. There are a number of wise and articulate people out there who write books about life. Strategies for coping with stress and philosophies on ways to relate to ourselves and each other. Yet the truth cannot be experienced on any of those pages. Truth is lived, truth is the experience of life in each moment. Truth is the next in-breath. I find comfort in a well written book or article. The language resonates with my unconscious mind such that I have the experience of how it all makes sense to me. The trick is to keep that separate from the moment at hand. All the phrases and paragraphs pass quietly when my attention is on the breath. That is when the truth is at hand.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

I love the cave of ignorance. There I said it, no more secrets, no long winded proclamations of austere and mindful awareness. Give me a nice cave of ignorance any time. It will always be nice because with ignorance I wouldn't know any better. My day is filled with opportunities for a little cave sitting; weekends hold the promise of whole days and nights in the cave.
The cave wanders by while in zazen and how easy for me to step inside, away from the in-breath and immerse myself in the desires and worries of the day.
And then I take the next breath and the door swings open again.....
And I arouse my aspiration for enlightenment.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Reworking this blog to allow a variety of thoughts and experiences. A recent trip to the Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe NM was a culmination of many years of study and devotion to Zen and the beginner's mind. I return with a deeper regard for the quiet inside and a gratitude for the silence of the heart.

  The bird’s path, winding far, Is right before you.   Water of the Dokei Gorge, You return to the ocean, I to the mountain. - Hof...