A classic expression many of us have used on more than one occasion. Deferring requests from our children is a time honored strategy for conflict avoidance. Right behind that is the "if it's okay with your father it's okay with me”. Under the usual give and take of daily life these statements pose little or no harm on a family's ability to meet each other's needs. A child's request for more than what they already have has been the subject of debate in many parenting circles. Decisions to say yes or no are very simple on the surface but can also be suggestive of deeper conflicts in family roles and expectations.
Each time a conflict is avoided the ability to tolerate conflict is diminished. When patterns of avoidance dominate a family the ability to trust and respect is compromised. A child perceives a parent's avoidance as a rejection. The opposite of love is not hate it is indifference and it is indifference that will create more significant damage to a family than a good old fashion fight ever could. When we are fully present with our family we can take care of the unpleasant task of saying no to someone we love knowing that our compassion for each other can only be strengthened by the work conflict may bring.
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