Rarely has a family come to therapy to avoid a crisis. The idea of seeking professional help in anticipation of a problem does not make a whole lot of sense. Actually that kind of reasoning is more symptomatic of an anxiety disorder. I was told the Chinese symbol for crisis is the same symbol for opportunity. It is translated in the context of it's use. In therapy there is a search for the opportunities that exist in each crisis.
Hitting the panic button is natural reaction to anything that threatens a family or a particular member of a family. The basic rules of fight or flight apply equally to a family. Panic is a reaction, it makes sense to realize one does not consider options and decide on panic. Reactions are immediate like reflexes they happen without hesitation without intention. Family therapy addresses the consequences of a family's reactions.
Anger is the most destructive force in panic. Parents can respond with anger when they are afraid, an angry teenager is a classic stereotype of the crisis of adolescence. Family has an important role of validating it's members, in terms of commonality and of uniqueness. When anger is the dominating emotion in family communication , a cycle of defensiveness sets in and the family is stuck with the battle over who is right and who is wrong.
The process of de briefing provides a structure for a family to work through the hurt feelings and identify the new challenges it may face with the new opportunities. Focus on listening and understanding shifts a family from reactivity to mindful wondering. Change can then be something everyone can step into knowing they have the love and support from each other.
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