Unknown, Hsiang-chi Temple
miles and miles into cloud-draped peaks.
Among the old trees a path no one travels,
a bell deep in the mountains but from where?
A brook gulps among protruding boulders,
and though the sun glows,
it's cool beneath the pines.
At dusk, by a bend in an empty pool,
meditating quietly, I rout the deadly dragon.
Wang Wei (699-761) courtesy of dailyzen.com

The journey taken in psychotherapy is a path that no one has traveled before. We spend the time in session reflecting on the past; acknowledging the feelings in the moment; and contemplating the future. The conversation flows among the tragedies and fears which protrude but cannot impede our intention to discover deeper truths and understandings. The deadly dragons of resentment and anger are routed by our meditations on the quiet connections we have with the universe.

Human lives go along with circumstances. It is not necessary to reject activity and seek quiet; just make yourself inwardly empty while outwardly harmonious. Then you will be at peace in the midst of frenetic activity in the world.
                                                       - Yuanwu Keqin (1063–1135) courtesy of dailyzen.com

Many people come to therapy complaining about feeling empty.  They turn to addictive behaviors as a way of “filling the void” they feel inside. There is a belief that in order to manage the frenetic activity in the world one must be inwardly content and full. The idea of making yourself inwardly empty challenges this belief. To actively bring about a sense of emptiness is a fundamental task in meditation. The fears and concerns that accumulate daily generate a sense of discontent and unease. Rather than seek relief from the outside take the  time to shift your focus to breathing in and breathing out . This simple task allows the mind to release it’s hold on those thoughts  and experience the openness of a beginners mind. Emptiness becomes boundlessness and the discontent transforms into a sense of wonder and possibility. Your fears and concerns are given their due respect without interfering with the experience of being outwardly harmonious.

When this mind is clear and bright

And is not covered over,

Then you are not very different

From the sages.

If you allow no wavering

From this clarity, and do not

Let it change,

And do not cling to it,

And do not neglect it:

This is learning.

Just protect it all the time

And do not damage its clarity

- Luo Hongxian (1504-1564) courtesy of dailyzen.com

A fundamental tool in psychotherapy is insight. When someone understands the reasons why they react in ways that are self-destructive they can develop healthier ways of managing their lives. A wonderful moment in therapy occurs when clients have a unique thought or idea about themselves. We spend time appreciating the new insight and clarifying the meanings it brings to our work. The experience itself is an example of a clear and bright mind. We join in a collective effort to protect it without clinging or neglect. It becomes a significant experience in the learning process. The self confidence that accompanies insight is very powerful and becomes a critical force in making important changes.

The learning that comes from within us is the learning of sages. In therapy we allow no wavering from the clarity of insight. That becomes the best path for deep and substantial change.

This passing world is as short as a dream. When at play, a person thinks that it would be good to play all night long. Yet every game has its form and measure. Form and measure change according to the times. Suitable form and measure are desirable, and so are games that correspond to one’s own self.
- Takuan (1573-1645) courtesy of dailyzen.com

One of the joys of being a psychotherapist is engaging in play therapy with children. Parents bring their child in with concerns about their excessive worries, angry outbursts, or difficulties playing with other children. We learn so much in being witness to and a part of the child’s play. Their inner world is presented to us in such a pure manner. The behaviors that disrupt their lives appear and we have the opportunity to help them connect to the form and measure they need to learn new ways of expressing themselves and acquire a new confidence in who they can be. We share our observations and experiences with their parents, joining them in finding effective ways of guiding and supporting their child’s development. Creativity and play are essential parts of the potential space for all of us to grow and develop. Form and measure provide the frame for these transformations to happen. Children remind us how important games and playing can be in helping us to learn new ways of expressing ourselves and acquire a new confidence in who we can be.

There is a man who makes 
A meal of rosy clouds:
Where he dwells the crowds don't ramble.
Any season is just fine with him,
The summer just like the fall.
In a dark ravine a tiny rill drips,
Keeping time,
And up in the pines the wind's
Always sighing.
Sit there in meditation, half a day,
A hundred autumns' grief will drop away.
                                                              -Han Shan courtesy of dailyzen.com 
D. W. Winnicott said the capacity to feel alone can only be experienced in the company of others. When I read these poems about sitting far away from the rest of the world I used to be troubled by the lack of regard for the suffering of others. Sitting with my clients is connecting to their suffering and doubt. Taking advantage of the unique setting of the consulting room I try to encourage an experience of dwelling where crowds don’t ramble. Being able to mentally sit in meditation while interacting with others gives us the opportunity to deepen our understanding of ourselves. As a hundred autumn’s grief drop away we can alleviate the suffering of others by sitting with them in compassionate ways and showing them how to be alone in the loving  company of others.

The truly still mind, with which you were born, is the mind that moves freely. Without ignoring anything, it reacts wholeheartedly to everything it encounters, to everything on which it reflects. And yet, for all that, it is the mind that is never seized by anything, but is always ready to react on the spot to whatever it encounters next. The mind that is still is the mind that never forfeits its freedom and is able to constantly keep rolling and rolling and rolling.

- Soko Marinaga Roshi (1925-1995)

Seeking help from a psychotherapist is a very important decision. The desire to resolve conflicts and improve self awareness are noble endeavors. The biggest challenge is discovering the inner peace and love that already exists within each of us. In the beginning we have an assumption that the therapist has something; answers to questions; teachings about coping skills; and wisdom to give us for a better life. This presumes that we do not have the answers, skills, or wisdom.  In therapy we enter into a conversation that stills the mind and allows it to move freely. By never being seized by anything and being open to all possibilities, the connections between our suffering and our wisdom are available to deepen our understanding of ourselves and our relationships with others.

I explain to you matters

Pertaining to enlightenment,

But don’t try to keep

Your mind on them.

Just turn to the ocean

Of your own essence

And develop practical

Accord with its nature.

- Yang Shan (1488–1559) courtesy of dailyzen.com 

One of the more frustrating dynamics in psychotherapy is the therapist’ s resistance to tell his client what to do. Understandably someone comes to therapy for help and help is expected in the form of advice. There is a thriving industry of self help books that will provide all kinds of advice for dealing with a wide array of issues and concerns. The therapist can make use of many different techniques that will provide new skills for coping and self care. The task of developing practical accord with the nature of ourselves involves far more than a new set of coping skills. There needs to be an understanding of how learning is experienced; how harshly we judge ourselves; and how difficult it is to experience short comings and personal failures. To achieve a degree of harmony with all aspects of ourselves is not something one can teach to another; it happens in the experiences created by the shared discovery of new insights in therapy.