One of the tougher issues in a family is finances. It doesn't really matter if it's too much, not enough, or just right. Money is an emotionally loaded commodity. Families in therapy will often have presenting problems related to differences in ways finances should be managed. Anxiety tends to find a home in this area. Money can be more about will we have enough than anything else. We deal with this in a variety of ways. The desire to spend and the desire to save are two sides of the same coin.
While we all need something to live on, our needs can easily take over and become the manager of our life. Getting things and not wanting to lose anything is a great source of suffering when we lose sight of what we have. Conversations about money easily escalate into verbal and even physical abusive fights. What is it about this subject that can trigger such deep levels of anger and resentment? We get so caught up in the belief that we are what we have and to be without is an assault on our sense of competency and worthiness. To lose everything is to suffer great humiliation. To have everything is a grand and common fantasy. If we can embrace the idea that to be rich is to need the least not have the most we can start to look at finances as just a necessary tool for us to make our way in the world.
Conversations about money are productive when a family can brainstorm and problem solve the concerns. Focus on the short term and long term goals for the family. Decisions can be made with a shared understanding of what everyone wants without getting in the way of what the family needs.
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