Reaching my hut built of quiet mystery,
I sweep clouds away and settle into repose.
There's no one left to climb with me beyond
Slippery moss and frail vines to this peak
Where autumn winds bluster and breeze
And spring grasses grow lush and green.
- Hsieh Ling-yun (385-433 C.E.) courtesy of dailyzen.com
We all fear being alone in the world. Our relationships are an essential part of our sense of self identity. In therapy the work is often directed to the conflicts experienced in the interpersonal arena. I like the idea that each of us has a hut built of quiet mystery. A metaphorical “place” for us to settle into repose. It is a dangerous delusion to think we can achieve a state of equanimity that allows us to experience life without pain. For the hut to be a refuge we need to allow all of our feelings to settle with us. Insight and self awareness are far more important than comfort. Conflicts in our relationships are the most important opportunities for us to deepen our understanding of ourselves. If everything is going well there is no motivation to change. Relationships grow and develop over time, there is a necessary tension that facilitates this process. The quiet mystery of our hut is the uncertainty that allows these changes to happen. To step into this uncertainty is to walk the path to our hut. It is a path we have to walk alone if we are to discover our own truths. As we come to know ourselves we are able to have meaningful and fulfilling relationships with the important people in our life.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Sunday, November 2, 2014
If one lives in peace, a day can be like a year.
Trying to sleep, I toss and turn on the worn out mat,
And pace around and around
In my tattered monk's shawl.
The Master suggests I make my bed
Among the wind and bamboo,
And have a drink beside the waters of the rocky spring.
A nod of the head, and all worldly affairs seem wrong.
Laughing at myself,
I understand the wisdom of the Master.
- Su Shih 1073 courtesy of dailyzen.com
Giving advice in psychotherapy is a risky endeavor. I frustrate many of my clients when I decline their requests for advice. A suggestion to make a bed among the wind and bamboo is to allow one to find their own answers. I work hard to ask questions that encourage self reflection and curiosity. We all seek a life in peace; in the spirit of the bodhisattva we seek peace for all sentient beings. We engage in life as a student and a master. My work is to allow my clients to recognize the master within; drink beside the waters of a rocky stream; and realize the opportunities for a life in peace.
Trying to sleep, I toss and turn on the worn out mat,
And pace around and around
In my tattered monk's shawl.
The Master suggests I make my bed
Among the wind and bamboo,
And have a drink beside the waters of the rocky spring.
A nod of the head, and all worldly affairs seem wrong.
Laughing at myself,
I understand the wisdom of the Master.
- Su Shih 1073 courtesy of dailyzen.com
Giving advice in psychotherapy is a risky endeavor. I frustrate many of my clients when I decline their requests for advice. A suggestion to make a bed among the wind and bamboo is to allow one to find their own answers. I work hard to ask questions that encourage self reflection and curiosity. We all seek a life in peace; in the spirit of the bodhisattva we seek peace for all sentient beings. We engage in life as a student and a master. My work is to allow my clients to recognize the master within; drink beside the waters of a rocky stream; and realize the opportunities for a life in peace.
Monday, October 20, 2014
Contemplate the mind;
This king of emptiness
Is subtle and abstruse.
Without shape or form,
It has great spiritual power.
It can eliminate all calamities
And accomplish all merits.
Master Fu (497-569) courtesy of dailyzen.com
The time that is spent in therapy is often subtle and abstruse. We sit for 50 minutes and reflect on the events and the concerns of the past week.Exploring and working through fears is a difficult task. The goal is always to contemplate the mind.The effort to do that is not an easy one. Calamities tend to elicit strong feelings,we are reacting to very serious situations and we seek dramatic solutions to our problems. The decision to seek professional help happens when we are overwhelmed by the circumstances of our life. When we find a place to sit still long enough to tell our story the contemplation begins. By bearing witness to the pain and to the struggle I am able to carefully slow the pace of my client's experience and allow the subtle and abstruse qualities to emerge in our conversations. This is the essence of active contemplation. We discover new possibities and new perspectives in our careful study of the presenting calamity.Change becomes a natural outcome of this work. To sit still and listen to our breathing helps us to slow the pace of our experience and connect with a great power to work through calamities and grow stronger and wiser in the process.
This king of emptiness
Is subtle and abstruse.
Without shape or form,
It has great spiritual power.
It can eliminate all calamities
And accomplish all merits.
Master Fu (497-569) courtesy of dailyzen.com
The time that is spent in therapy is often subtle and abstruse. We sit for 50 minutes and reflect on the events and the concerns of the past week.Exploring and working through fears is a difficult task. The goal is always to contemplate the mind.The effort to do that is not an easy one. Calamities tend to elicit strong feelings,we are reacting to very serious situations and we seek dramatic solutions to our problems. The decision to seek professional help happens when we are overwhelmed by the circumstances of our life. When we find a place to sit still long enough to tell our story the contemplation begins. By bearing witness to the pain and to the struggle I am able to carefully slow the pace of my client's experience and allow the subtle and abstruse qualities to emerge in our conversations. This is the essence of active contemplation. We discover new possibities and new perspectives in our careful study of the presenting calamity.Change becomes a natural outcome of this work. To sit still and listen to our breathing helps us to slow the pace of our experience and connect with a great power to work through calamities and grow stronger and wiser in the process.
Monday, October 6, 2014
You are a seeker.
Delight in the mastery
Of your hands and your feet,
Of your words and your thoughts.
Delight in meditation and in solitude.
Compose yourself, be happy.
You are a seeker.
-Buddha in the Dhammapada, courtesy of dailyzen.com
A common symptom of depression is isolation. People can spend hours in bed; shut in their houses; and avoiding human contact. The experience is agonizing and grows more powerful with each day spent in the dark . The desire for death becomes stronger and more possible when someone is convinced they are truly alone in the world. The process of psychotherapy is to realize we are seekers and can experience unconditional positive self regard when in the company of others. To delight in the mastery of our hands and feet we need to accept all aspects of ourselves without judgement. As a seeker we turn our life’s journey into a pilgrimage. We pursue new understandings of our self and others. We turn to meditation and solitude as a healthy refuge to cultivate our inherent compassion and loving-kindness. As a seeker we embody the Awakened Way and celebrate our connection with the world.
Delight in the mastery
Of your hands and your feet,
Of your words and your thoughts.
Delight in meditation and in solitude.
Compose yourself, be happy.
You are a seeker.
-Buddha in the Dhammapada, courtesy of dailyzen.com
A common symptom of depression is isolation. People can spend hours in bed; shut in their houses; and avoiding human contact. The experience is agonizing and grows more powerful with each day spent in the dark . The desire for death becomes stronger and more possible when someone is convinced they are truly alone in the world. The process of psychotherapy is to realize we are seekers and can experience unconditional positive self regard when in the company of others. To delight in the mastery of our hands and feet we need to accept all aspects of ourselves without judgement. As a seeker we turn our life’s journey into a pilgrimage. We pursue new understandings of our self and others. We turn to meditation and solitude as a healthy refuge to cultivate our inherent compassion and loving-kindness. As a seeker we embody the Awakened Way and celebrate our connection with the world.
Monday, September 29, 2014
A soaring endlessly curving path,
every few miles we have to rest.
I look around for my friends.
They've vanished in the wooded hills.
Rain floods the pine trees
and flows hushed among the rocks.
There are silent words deep in hill water,
a long whistle over the summits.
When I look at South Mountain
the sun floats white through the mist.
A blue marsh is luminous and clear.
Green trees are heavy shadows, drifting.
When I am tired of being closed in,
suddenly I come upon a clearing,
and the mind is at peace.
-Wang Wei (699-759) courtesy of dailyzen.com
One of the joys of being a psychotherapist is to witness a client's moment of clarity. The decision to seek professional help for psychological issues takes a tremendous amount of courage. We all want to believe we can take care of ourselves. I believe that each person who comes into my office arrives with the tools and solutions to their problems. I offer the space for us to discover them. Sometimes the discovery happens between sessions and my client walks in with a new confidence and wisdom; and sometimes it happens during the session and we are both aware of coming upon a clearing. The work shifts to understanding the meaning of the discovery so that my client knows what has been realized and what inner resources were utilized to allow that discovery to happen. What I take away from this elegant poem is the reassurance that when we help each other to quiet the myriad thoughts racing around in our minds we can experience that clearing;find our solutions;and enjoy the peace of confidence in ourselves.
every few miles we have to rest.
I look around for my friends.
They've vanished in the wooded hills.
Rain floods the pine trees
and flows hushed among the rocks.
There are silent words deep in hill water,
a long whistle over the summits.
When I look at South Mountain
the sun floats white through the mist.
A blue marsh is luminous and clear.
Green trees are heavy shadows, drifting.
When I am tired of being closed in,
suddenly I come upon a clearing,
and the mind is at peace.
-Wang Wei (699-759) courtesy of dailyzen.com
One of the joys of being a psychotherapist is to witness a client's moment of clarity. The decision to seek professional help for psychological issues takes a tremendous amount of courage. We all want to believe we can take care of ourselves. I believe that each person who comes into my office arrives with the tools and solutions to their problems. I offer the space for us to discover them. Sometimes the discovery happens between sessions and my client walks in with a new confidence and wisdom; and sometimes it happens during the session and we are both aware of coming upon a clearing. The work shifts to understanding the meaning of the discovery so that my client knows what has been realized and what inner resources were utilized to allow that discovery to happen. What I take away from this elegant poem is the reassurance that when we help each other to quiet the myriad thoughts racing around in our minds we can experience that clearing;find our solutions;and enjoy the peace of confidence in ourselves.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Calming the Mind
Too much knowledge
Leads to overactivity;
Better to calm the mind.
The more you consider,
The greater the loss;
Better to unify the mind.
-Shih Wang Ming (6th c) courtesy of dailyzen.com
Many of my clients report a tendency to “overthink” their concerns. This leads to exaggerating the seriousness or severity of the problem and a subsequent overreaction. It's interesting to note that they often have loved ones who tell them they overthink the problem and need to learn how to relax. All well and good but just telling someone to relax or calm down usually leads to the opposite reaction.
Shih Wang Ming tells us too much knowledge leads to overactivity. I think there is an important difference between having knowledge and seeking knowledge. Being open to new experiences potentiates our self discovery, reacting defensively creates impenetrable walls between us and the world. When we feel isolated or abandoned our anxiety generates the overactivity in our minds. When we feel curious there is a natural opening to the world around us. Our awareness of being in either of these conditions is our enlightened mind that by default has the calm and equanimity we need to unify the mind.
Mindfulness strategies are oriented to cultivating our enlightened mind so that we become more confident in all aspects of ourselves.We can utilize the calm from our enlightened mind to slow down;take a breath; and approach a difficult situation with an open heart.
Too much knowledge
Leads to overactivity;
Better to calm the mind.
The more you consider,
The greater the loss;
Better to unify the mind.
-Shih Wang Ming (6th c) courtesy of dailyzen.com
Many of my clients report a tendency to “overthink” their concerns. This leads to exaggerating the seriousness or severity of the problem and a subsequent overreaction. It's interesting to note that they often have loved ones who tell them they overthink the problem and need to learn how to relax. All well and good but just telling someone to relax or calm down usually leads to the opposite reaction.
Shih Wang Ming tells us too much knowledge leads to overactivity. I think there is an important difference between having knowledge and seeking knowledge. Being open to new experiences potentiates our self discovery, reacting defensively creates impenetrable walls between us and the world. When we feel isolated or abandoned our anxiety generates the overactivity in our minds. When we feel curious there is a natural opening to the world around us. Our awareness of being in either of these conditions is our enlightened mind that by default has the calm and equanimity we need to unify the mind.
Mindfulness strategies are oriented to cultivating our enlightened mind so that we become more confident in all aspects of ourselves.We can utilize the calm from our enlightened mind to slow down;take a breath; and approach a difficult situation with an open heart.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
This one word "awareness" is the source of all wonders. Because of delusion concerning this awareness, the marks of self arise. When it is assumed that there is "I" or "mine," liking and disliking automatically appear.
- Chinul (1209) courtesy of dailyzen.com
Self awareness is a very common term in therapy. People are evaluated on their level of self awareness; distortions in their self awareness; and inhibitions of self awareness. The suffering of my clients comes from a variety of sources. A frequent source is the belief that their struggle is brought on by others. Their reactions are the result of what others are doing or not doing to them. A tough one is the abuse inflicted on a child and the impact that has on the now grown adult's life. The experience of helplessness and the rage of being victimized is profound and can be very disruptive.
When we can recognize the delusion concerning awareness our experience of our self deepens. We know our pain and our suffering in a new way. Instead of the helplessness and rage we can acknowledge our wounds as an important part of who we are; we can transcend the actions of others and discover the compassion of our true self.
- Chinul (1209) courtesy of dailyzen.com
Self awareness is a very common term in therapy. People are evaluated on their level of self awareness; distortions in their self awareness; and inhibitions of self awareness. The suffering of my clients comes from a variety of sources. A frequent source is the belief that their struggle is brought on by others. Their reactions are the result of what others are doing or not doing to them. A tough one is the abuse inflicted on a child and the impact that has on the now grown adult's life. The experience of helplessness and the rage of being victimized is profound and can be very disruptive.
When we can recognize the delusion concerning awareness our experience of our self deepens. We know our pain and our suffering in a new way. Instead of the helplessness and rage we can acknowledge our wounds as an important part of who we are; we can transcend the actions of others and discover the compassion of our true self.
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