I gaze on myself in the stream's emerald flow

Or sit on a boulder by a cliff.

My mind, a lonely cloud, leans on nothing,

Needs nothing from the world and its endless events. 

       - Han Shan (9th century).   Courtesy of dailyzen.com 

John O'Donohue once said “We cannot gaze upon our own faces, we depend upon the gaze of others to validate who we are”.  He was speaking about connection; about empathy; and about loving- kindness.  When I reflect on the gazing in the stream's emerald flow I am challenged by the apparent contradiction. Am I dependent on the gaze of others or is there nothing that I need from the world?  How similar is that to the conflicts in our sense of self? How am I unique and how am I the same as everyone else? Too much either way becomes a disruptive dynamic in our ability to cope. My clients struggle with their longing for and their fear of independence.  When we discover that awareness of our needs we discover that our needs are not who we are. They are what we have. Which is true of our fears and triumphs. The question of who we are is always on the horizon of our journey. I celebrate my time with those I love and I celebrate my time on the boulder. Both are important for me to sit with the unanswered questions and the unsolved mysteries of my existence.