After Missing the Recluse on the Western Mountain

To your hermitage here on the top of the mountain

I have climbed, without stopping, these ten miles.

I have knocked at your door, and no one answered;

I have peeped into your room,

At your seat beside the table.

Perhaps you are out riding,

Or fishing, more likely, in some autumn pool.

Sorry though I am to be missing you,

You have become my meditation.

The beauty of the grasses, fresh with rain,

And close beside the window the music of pines,

I take into my being all that I see and hear,

Soothing my senses, quieting my heart;

And though there be neither host nor guest,

Have I not had a visit complete?

The afternoon fades, I make my way

Back down the mountain.

Why should I wait for you any longer?

-Ch-iu Wei

Our lives change in fundamental ways when someone we love dies.  Death, along with love, really are the unopened gifts that can pass by. Rilke captures a poignant link in our daily lives. The loss of a loved one is traumatic and the mourning that follows dramatically alters our lives. The journey is difficult, our fears about the unknown are brought into our conscious awareness with overwhelming force. The shock and disbelief at the beginning eventually gives way to deep sadness, anger, and confusion. Our minds struggle to reorient to a life without someone who is always there. When I am sharing the therapy space with someone who is grieving, we take into our being all that we see and hear. We find healthy ways to soothe painful thoughts and feelings. We use the time to make our way back down the mountain and into a new life.

 Wanting to go to the eastern cliff

Setting out now after

How many years

Yesterday I used the vines

To pull myself up

But halfway there

Wind and mist made

The going tough

The narrow path grabbed

At my clothes

The moss so slippery

I couldn’t proceed

So I stopped right here

Beneath this cinnamon tree

Used a cloud as a pillow

And went to sleep

-Han-shan

I think of the time someone walks into my office for an appointment as an opportunity to pause. When the door closes, and they take their seat or lie down on the couch we share a space in time that allows us to consider the thoughts and feelings they are experiencing that day. Their journey is the context for our conversation. We focus on the goals that bring them into treatment and the struggles that are making the journey tough going. There are times when it feels like the path is covered in slippery moss and it feels impossible to proceed. We can pause and use the time to consider the obstacles with our open minds and hearts. The shared space allows us to explore new possibilities. When we sleep, we dream, and in our dreaming anything is possible. Our creative self can be used to open our minds to the waking dream of change and renewal.

 Know the essence of mind.

Its intrinsic essence is pure clarity.

It is essentially the same as a Buddha.

Know the functions of mind.

Its functions produce the treasury of teachings.

When its activity is always silent,

Myriad illusions become suchness.

 -Tao-hsin (580-651)

To be essentially the same as a Buddha does not imply some omnipotent grandiose sense of self. The effort to quiet our thinking and connect to the present moment allows clarity to emerge and provide us with an opportunity to understand our thoughts and feelings in a loving and compassionate way. Our fears and anger are functions in our mind. They emerge in response to experiences and influence our engagement in the world. Our tendency to be as others want us to be is a fundamental part of life. We become ashamed or resentful when the needs of others dominate our lives in unyielding ways. The myriad illusions are the truths we have cultivated from those experiences. The serenity we all seek is the essence of mind.  By giving ourselves an opportunity to pause and sit as a Buddha in a safe space we can achieve moments of quiet that will allow new truths based on compassion and loving-kindness to be cultivated.

 The moon’s appearance, a river of stars,

snow-clad pines, clouds hovering on mountain peaks.

In darkness, they glow with brightness.

In shadows, they shine with a splendid light.

Like the dreaming of a crane flying in empty space,

like the clear, still water of an autumn pool,

endless eons dissolve into nothingness,

each indistinguishable from the other.

In this illumination all striving is forgotten.

-Hung Chih Cheng Chueh (1091-1157)

 

There is a common misconception of the Buddhist concept of nothingness or emptiness. It is not a reference to the absence of things but rather the essence of the interconnection of all things. This essence is the clear still water that is overshadowed by our worries and strivings for success. We fall into a rigid orientation to ourselves and the world that classifies experiences as good or bad. We need our capacity to solve problems and to make healthy and morally sound choices. They are tools to be acquired and refined with experience. These tools are the river of stars and snow-clad pines and clouds that hover on mountain peaks. When we pause with an open mind and an open heart and reflect on what we do, the opportunity is there to experience the illumination that reveals the brightness in the dark and the splendid light embedded in the shadows. All the different parts of who we are dissolve into the clear cool water of nothingness, and we can experience a moment of enlightenment that transcends the rigid constraints on ourselves and discover the dreaming of a crane flying in empty space.

 Song of the Grass Roof Hermitage

I’ve built a grass hut

Where there’s nothing of value

After eating, I relax and enjoy a nap.

When it was completed, fresh weeds appeared.

Now it’s been lived in

Covered by weeds.

 

The person in the hut

Lives here calmly,

Not stuck to inside, outside,

Or in between.

Places worldly people live,

He doesn’t live.

Realms worldly people love,

He doesn’t love.

 

Silvery moon hangs high in the sky.

I ride a tiny boat in the vast and misty sea.

Moon and sea forgotten;

I forget that I have forgotten.

And before the window

I sit quietly in meditation until midnight.

-Jakushitsu (1290–1368)

The Song of the Grass Roof Hermitage recalls the fleeting moments of reverie when my thoughts are absent, and I am fully experiencing the present moment. The moment passes and I think about the experience. My thoughts emerge from the feeling I recognize, and the reverie passes. Meditation is a practice to still the thoughts that stream through our conscious awareness. Psychoanalysis is a practice to ride in the tiny boat and observe those thoughts and feelings that interrupt our reverie. My client and I work together to cultivate a calm state of mind that is not stuck on difficult feelings or resentments, a state of mind that appreciates the moments at hand and the quiet meditation that can be found in this complex and challenging world.

 The spiritual light shines alone,

Far transcending the senses

And their fields;

The essential substance is exposed,

Real and eternal.

It is not contained in written words.

The nature of mind has no defilement;

It is basically perfect and complete in itself.

Just get rid of delusive attachments,

And merge with realization of thusness.

Pai-chang (720–814)

 

Tathātā (/ˌtætəˈtɑː/; Sanskrit: तथाता; Pali: tathatā) is a Buddhist term variously translated as "thusness" or "suchness", referring to the nature of reality free from conceptual elaborations and the subject-object distinction. (from Wikipedia). In psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, we can encounter this realization of thusness when guilt and shame are being considered with curiosity that is free of defensive reactions to feeling judged or criticized. Failures and disappointments emerge as opportunities for learning and growth. Our essential substance is our true self, the core part of our identity that we brought into the world at birth. Life experiences interact with our true self in dramatic and subtle ways and we develop ways of managing our lives to meet our physical and emotional needs. Relationships are an essential part of living and become very complex parts of who we are. A relationship with a therapist or a psychoanalyst provides us with a unique space to transcend delusive attachments and allow the true self to shine alone. To quote Shunryu Suzuki “Each of you is perfect the way you are ... and you can use a little improvement.”

 Evening mountains veiled in somber mist,

One path entering the wooded hill:

The monk has gone off, securing his pine door.

From a bamboo pipe a lonely trickle of water flows.

 -Ishikawa Jozan (1583-1672)

Grief is no longer considered a psychological disorder. Grief is a natural part of life. It embodies difficult feelings and unique challenges for everyone who faces this life-changing experience. We gather in times of loss, holding each other against the lonely path we will walk at some point in our lives. The complications that arise in this experience are brought into my office. My clients struggle with a sense of being lost or unable to move on from their deep sadness. We walk together in the somber mist and find refuge in the evening mountains. This space enables us to realize the profound changes that are unfolding and the beginning of a new life. The difficult thoughts and feelings become guides that reveal a new path. To relinquish old attachments and readjust to life without a loved one are the tasks of mourning. We carry the one we lost in our hearts where they remain in a perfect loving embrace. The complications of that relationship resolve into a meaningful presence that connects us to the infinite circle of life.